Lessons Learned
by LadyTyrant
Summary: Ah, the troubles of having a genius roommate.A genius FEMALE roommate. And the danger of fairy technology. Beware Artemis! You are DOOMED!


This is a original and totally random oneshot. Kita or the NightShade girl is an OC that I came up with. Also, please read LadyNightRunner's stories. They are a million times better than mine, if not Artemis Fowl. She says I do those better than she does. R and R please!

* * *

"Artemis, get up!" A voice rang through the apartment. The named nineteen-year-old groaned, rolled over and went back to sleep. Or appeared to go back to sleep. In actuality he was going over, yet again, how he had ended up here.

_Hmm, let's see. I believe this started when I graduated. Yep, that's it. My parents decided I had to go to Oxford. I had no complaints. Oxford is where some of the greatest minds reside. Oh, yes, I was fine with the idea until I found out I would be sharing an apartment. I, of course, thought that they meant Butler. That was until I found out I was actually sharing the apartment with that NightShade girl._

_By NightShade girl, I mean the only daughter of one of my parents' business partners. I believe the original idea was that if either of us had trouble with our studies, we'd have help. That is, at least, what they told us. My only consolation is that she seems to dislike me as much as I dislike her. _

A voice, which sounded quite a bit like Foaly, then interrupted his thoughts. The voice came from a dark, secluded, blocked off area of Artemis's brain. This was the same part that often scolded him for his various evil schemes. Or so Artemis thought.

_You don't dislike her. Quite the opposite in fact._

_I dislike her quite a bit. Besides, what would you know?_

_A lot. I'm you, remember?_

_Mmg. Go away._

_I can't. Remember, I'm you._

_Arrrg!_

_So inarticulate. Fine, _I'm _Shutting up._

_Good. Anyway, where was I?_

_You dislike her. Which, as I have already pointed out is not true._

_**Anyway, **I have been living with NightShade for the past three months. This probably would have been quiet, as our original plan was to avoid each other as much as possible. But then, we started butting heads. Which was entirely her fault. I simply refuse to lose any game to her._

_Game? This is more like all out war. And, it was not her fault, but yours. _

_Oh, yeah. How is it my fault? I've done nothing to her._

_You mean besides telling her that she was to stay away from you because you did not want to be associated with her? Oh, and telling her that you weren't going to help her with anything and that she was better off finding a new apartment? She took offense to this, and I can't blame her. She, also has never needed your help because she is smarter then you._

_**Smarter? **How is **she **smarter then **me?**_

_Well, let's start with the fact that she has a conscience. And there's also the little fact that she has common sense, which I might add is some thing you lack. The only way she can be compared to you is in the case of stubbornness. You two are equally hard headed. She, like you, refuses to lose this match of wills. _

_It's not my fault that she's as stubborn as a mule. NightShade is so irrita-_

This thought was cut short when NightShade stomped into the room. Her black hair was pulled back, and her green eyes were narrowed into slits.

_Oh damn. She usually calls twice before coming in._

"Get up, Fowl."

_Hell no! I shall never give in to your orders. I'd rather die. Give me sleep or give me death._

_You've been studying Patrick Henry in your American History class haven't you?_

_Yeah. Remind me why I'm in that class again._

_You thought it would be wise to know the history of one of the strongest economical countries in the world._

_One of my less than brilliant ide-_

Artemis was, yet again, yanked away from his train of thought. This time because Kita (NightShade) had just grabbed the blanket, sheets included, and yanked them off the bed. Artemis suddenly became painfully aware of the fact that Kita had quite a few windows open. The brisk morning air was cold. As was expected in mid November.

He curled up and tried not to shiver.

_I will not give her the satisfaction of seeing that she made me cold._

_Why don't you just get up? It would be so much easier on everyone._

_Never!_

_A one-word answer from Artemis Fowl! What? No lengthy explanations? No reason why?_

By now Artemis had began to wonder why he was mocking himself. And, the more he thought about it, that voice really did sound like Foaly. Pausing for a moment to listen carefully, he swore he could hear laughing.

_I'm either losing my mind or…Aw, shit. I forgot to take my earpiece out last night!_

_That's right, Fowl. You've given us a good laugh._

_Us?_

_Yup._

_Who's us?_

_Well, there's me, Holly, Mulch, Trouble, Grub… you know, everyone I could get hold of._

Artemis raised his hand to his ear, thought better of it and put it back down. It would not do for Kita, who was presently tugging on his ankles, to see the earpiece and find out what it was.

It was funny, really, that he could keep himself on the bed with a single hand wrapped around the bed frame, while she was pulling him as hard as she could.

_I guess those workouts with Butler are paying off._

_Don't get cocky, Fowl. I have a feeling that NightShade has more up her sleeve and I doubt she'll wait long, before getting you with it._

As if hearing Folaly's words, Kita let go of Artemis's ankles and stomped out of the room.

_See? She gave up. I win._

_Think what you will, Mudboy._

Artemis was just drifting back to sleep when Kita came back in.

"Alright, Fowl. You have 60 seconds to get up, or else. 1…"

"Or else what?" Artemis spoke for the first time, "What can a little girl like you do?"

_Artemis, _Holly's voice rang in his ear, _you should **not **have said that._

_Why?_

He found out 'why' when he heard "60"

_Wait! It hasn't even been 10 seconds!_

A freezing deluge of water and half melted ice cubes, washed over him. He bolted up and stared, half horrified, half furious, at Kita, who was standing over him holding a bucket. He shot up from the bed, intent on catching her. What he was going to do with her once he caught? He didn't know, but he would figure it out.

Kita, realizing why Artemis had suddenly gotten up so quickly, made for the door as fast as she could. She darted out of the room and slammed the door behind her.

Artemis, not having time to stop, hit the door at full speed. He fell on the floor, dazed

_Well done, Fowl._ Foaly remarked sarcastically, _She got you. Don't bother to deny it. She got you good. _

_Well._ That was all Artemis could muster. His head was ringing from his encounter with the door. To add to that, he was hearing laughing in both ears. Part from the earpiece and part from the other side of his door.

_Memo to me: One, don't call small people small. And two, never, ever, sleep with your elf-approved earpiece in._

Untold miles beneath the earth, a particular group of fairies were rolling around, laughing. They were never going to let him forget this.


End file.
